Widowhood, which in many studies women feared even more than an illness that might cause their own deaths, was also ‘surprising’ in its actual effects on women compared to men. When Helena Lopata started her ground- breaking study of Chicago windows of that generation had many ’complaints’ about the problems of widowhood: ‘a feeling of incompetence and incompleteness as persons, being shunned by others and experiences of strain in social interaction…’ But, - after the ‘initial grief work is completed’- the overwhelming majority became ‘more independent and competent now than while their husbands where living’ (63 percent); in addition, many became ‘freer and more active’ (47 percent). Lopata concluded: the overwhelming proportion of widows who recognize or admit change in their personalities, previously restricted or limited as a result of marriage. This does not mean necessarily that they had bad marriages, as these are the very same individuals who list loneliness, rather than money or other troubles, as the worst problem of widowhood and miss their husbands most as a person or a partner, rather than as a breadwinner.
New research has revealed that older women ‘adjust’ to the death of a spouse and, with whatever grief or pain, move on to new strengths afterward, with less apparent difficulty than younger women- and than men at any age. It is striking that if a man’s wife dies, he is much more likely to become sick and die himself within the next two years, from any number of diseases, than other men at his age. This vulnerability disappears only if he remarries- or after he survives five years alone. No such drastic toll on women’s lives takes place with widowhood, whether or not they remarry.
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